Canned Tamales, Milk, Soup and Beer

So we have been having money issues and my bf blames me, so I decided that he would have full control of his money so that he will stop bitching at me when we are broke asses again. He was in charge of buying groceries this time. I made him a list of what we needed but knew that he would just say "Fuck it" once he got into the store. Grocery shopping is always a huge issue with us because he is FUCKIN CRAZY. He came back home with a $300 Grocery bill and do you want to know what he bought. Beer, 40 cans of Soup, Milk, 10 cans of Organic Apple Juice that cost $9 a pop. I never knew they made Canned Tamales but now thanks to my bf we have 10 cans. What the Fuck am I supposed to feed my son, what the Hell is his problem, why the Fuck would he think this was a good Idea. I don't know I am soooo Fuckin Pissed, I am sitting here typing eating Campbell's Soup that has a full months worth of Sodium in one Can. I almost Puked just trying to keep my food down. Blah

Rejected

So since I came to the realization that I haven't done shit with my life, expect for having the Coolest Little Shit ever, I decided that I was going to make an effort to be more productive. No, I haven't been watching too much Oprah I just realized that I have just been breathing and not Living. After I figured this out I sat my ass on the couch and watched some TV, yeah, I should have done something productive but really, I just didnt want to. I saw a commercial on TV about ADHD, I have all the symtons of this and have always thought I had it. I figured that this would be my change to get the help I needed. Well I got a call the very next day, and made an apt for the next day. I have always been curious about what exactly goes on in these research studies so I was pretty stoked. Anyway when i got there I had to fill out a bunch of weird questions about "How many times a Day do you want to kill yourself". What the Fuck? What did this have to do with ADHD, well my dumbass just filled out everything and turned it in. I kinda figured that I was in the wrong study but just went ahead and stayed. Anyway I got my ass Rejected but after spending an hour talking to their Therapist. Oh well, at least I know I am not that fucked up that I want to kill myself.

Its been so Long

Man, my sense of time is way off. I thought it had only been a day since my last blog. its been like over a fuckin week. Shit what the hell have I done since then? I am pretty damn tired of being Fat but not that tired enough to really do anything about it. I feel really sore from the gym, looking at my Back Fat and being able to pinch it made me want to just get a Knife and Cut out all my Fat Rolls.

Dealing with it

Its been 8 years since I was pain free. I was in a hit and run accident 8 years ago and have never been the same. You hear people all the time talk about being in pain like back pain, or arthritis, but when your young its just really hard to understand. A week after I was in the accident I started to feel a strain in my neck and i just dealt with it because I thought it would just go away. I grew up not going to the doctor unless your bleeding so since there was no blood coming from my neck I just thought I would suck it up and get over it. Well its 8 FUCKIN years later, and its just gotten worse. Some days I just cant do anything. The pain isnt just my neck, I have nerve damage that affects my whole left side of my body from my eye, ear, neck, shoulder,elbow, wrist, fingers, hip, knee, ankle, toes, but its only on my left side. it burns, tingles. Sometimes I get chills like someone put ice on my left side of my brain and my eye, its so painful and theres nothing i can do about it. Sometimes I can almost feel the nerves in my neck and I just want to stab it with a Knife and cut it out, and move it around like when you have an itch that needs to be scratched. I think about the guy that hit me and think about how it would be nice if someone just beat the living crap out of him, If i had a bat I make him feel like I feel and make sure that at the end of the beating he will never be the same again. Yes this sounds so fuckin mean, but I want him to understand what he did to be. I am not the same person i was before, I cant go out late and just have fun, I have to take at least 5 advils at a time and honestly it doesnt really work. I've tried every drug there is and have had doctors give me every pain killer, muscle relaxer there is but again I have nerve damage and really I am just fucked because there isnt much that can be done. If there is treatment out there that can help me, well, I would still be screwed because I have no insurance.

Wheres the Caca

Today after I bathed the Little Guy I let him run around naked for a few before I try and force him into a diaper. We where in the bedroom and i was checking my email when I heard William heading towards the door. Little Guy always freaks out when he hears footsteps and always stops what he is doing and runs and hides. Well instead of running this time he grabbed my hand real quick and gave me something. He then Squeezed my hand tightly and that is when I discovered that was he put in my hand was two BIG FAT TURDS. Chucks of black olives, mushrooms, blackberries, tomatoes and cottage cheese where all over my hand. After washing my hands over 30 times and putting anything and everything I can to take the smell off, its still there but its vague right now, thank god, it smelled like dog food mixed in with a rotting possum, yeah it was pretty fuckin skank.

Not the Coolest

This is my first Blog and i am super proud its kinda ghetto though, and since I am pretty damn computer retard it took forever to figure this thing out. I know my 12 year old niece has a way cooler blog. oh well. I have been sitting here at home for the past hour doing nothing, my mind is thinking about 700 million things yet I seem to be having trouble finding shit to write about. I am thirsty and my body is aching and I am simply just too damn lazy to go downstairs and get a drink, partly because I know once I do I'll find shit to do like cleaning the kitchen, etc.. I like a said before I just feel lazy. I keep swallowing my saliva so that I can keep my mouth from hurting and being dry so once i run out I guess i will have no choice but to get my ass up and get a drink. Today was an extremely draining day and I really cant understand why, I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, its not like I ran a 20 miles or built a house. I did go to the gym but I didn't stay there for more than an hour. My gym has a daycare where i take my son so I can get rid of all the fat i gained from having him. I know the daycare worker cant really handle him for more than 45 minutes then they come looking for me. Besides that I just did the normal sahm crap, clean, clean, clean, and still as soon as my bf comes home the place looks like crap and he has that pissed off and confused look on his face. Like "what the fuck lady, you get to stay at home all day with our son and Play with him and you cant even clean a little?" Yes I do fuckin Clean but no matter how many times I say it he doesnt hear me because he doesnt get that Our Son can take the living room and tear it apart in 3 seconds and it takes me 30 minutes to clean it back up, so its a back and fourth thing that I have to go though every FUCKIN Day.
Ok, I feel better now.
Good Night